Dreaming is Always a Good Thing!

Today, I had the honor of performing with my city's symphony orchestra for the 4th of July. It was an incredibly special experience for me. After today's many experiences, I am now under the impression that music is among the highest of the arts. I am glad that my heart and mind were open and sensitive.

Among the many wonderful moments (my favorite being when we honored each branch of the armed forces with music), there was one in particular that I learned from. I saw one of my former university professors, and she was holding hands with who I assume was her husband. They were only walking along a path, but looking at them reminded me of beauty and goodness. It also reminded me that I've never gotten to experience that kind of love, nor am I under the impression that I ever will. I wasn't looking at them in envy, more so curiosity. I wondered what it was like to be held and to have someone who was proud to hold your hand in public. I wondered what it would be like to have someone that you've exposed every part of yourself to still love you. But even with thoughts of doubt for my own future, I looked at them and I saw an overwhelming love and beauty.

While I am not expecting someone to love me or accept my flaws yet, I decided that if it were to happen, I would never want to forget what I saw today. I would never want to take the beauty and love for granted, even if it became normal and routine in my future. I want to cherish every moment, and remember at all times the things that I have.

Life Tip #4: Don't take what you have now, that you previously only dreamed of, for granted. If you want something, but will forget about it in the future, what would be the point of even having it? Take some time to remember the things you used to long for, and look at how you've changed and how your perspective has changed. Embrace your own personal journey. Don't look back to remember what you've lost, only to reflect on what you can be grateful for now and to see how far you've come.

Trying is Enough to Bring a Miracle!

What if I told you that everything you suffer from and every ounce of pain you feel could completely go away? Most peoples' responses would be something along the lines of "Oh that could never happen to me!" or "This is just something I have to deal with and handle for the rest of my life." And that's an issue. We need to believe the opposite! It is possible to get over anything, and it all starts with believing you can. Miracles exist, and there's probably one waiting for you!

While pain may not completely go away for some of us, it can go mostly away. But somehow we settle for the unendurable amount of pain we feel because "there's no way it could ever completely go away." And yet, it does. And if you suffer from anxiety or depression like I do, let me tell you of a surety that there is a way to lighten your burden. Significantly. Circumstances will always change, it isn't what is happening around you that's the problem. When you say "when I accomplish this or move here I'll be happy" or when you think you'll have it made when you just meet your goals, you're stopping yourself from finding true joy. Once you achieve your goals, you'll find something else to worry about, or you'll sit there wondering why you're not happy because, after all, you've put in the effort, right? But that's the problem. We make happiness the end game when it should be the journey. And when we finally reach what we think is the end game, we haven't been fostering that happiness along the way- we've been waiting for it. Choose to be happy now instead of later. We see happiness as a concept. We grow attached to the idea of it, but we never really work toward it. We think that we can get happiness if we get what we want, and that's just not true.

So how do we experience joy now? The problem we have in this world is that we think we have to just deal with what we're dealt. The unfortunate mentality that comes with the majority of society, and often times treatment, is that we can't help the way we feel or who we are. While experiences and feelings are valid, we can choose to change who we are, what we do, and in turn, how we feel. We resist what the world throws at us, and we bicker and complain. We become upset and anxious, and we worry about the future. A word of advice: Don't resist the way life pushes you. It is trying to HELP you! This is the first step towards finding joy. The second would be to trust, specifically that you'll be okay and that everything is working out for your good. Trust that you aren't getting what you want now for something you will want more in the future. The third step would be finally believing everything that you've been hoping for and trusting in.

We hardly ever succeed at our first attempts to change ourselves. This isn't something to get upset about. Never be upset with yourself, just acknowledge you were trying your best, and find a more effective way to change. With that being said, trying to cope with something isn't the same as trying to get better. Trying to cope often entails sitting with whatever feeling is holding you down, while trying to get better entails fighting to get rid of what is holding you down. Sadly, trying to just cope actually requires more energy than the alternative of trying to get better. And trying to get better is more of an action of letting go when you truly figure it out. You let go of the darkness, even though it feels at the time like it is holding you with a rope around your neck.

The thing is, despite how much you think you want to be happy or get better, you actually don't. That pain and darkness, though painful, still gives you something you want, and that is why we get stuck in the same cycles and patterns. Once you find out what it is you're wanting, you'll realize that there are better ways to get it. But the problem is that we don't always see the reasons for why we won't budge or move on. Whether it's validation, people stroking your ego, addictive behavior, attention, not wanting to admit your pride, putting blame on everything in the universe except yourself for the way you feel, etc., there is a reason that you've decided you won't move.

Trying is enough if you do it correctly. But when you're trying in the wrong way, it will actually set you farther back than when you started. The moment you let whatever plagues you be the reason you feel a certain way, you're going to find an infinite amount of problems with the world and your self-esteem. Take responsibility for you being the reason that you feel the way you do. Acknowledge that it is actually you that is setting you back instead of life.

You might say that I'm ignorant or naive, but I've been through my fair share of depression. I am telling you that there is a way out, but you have to tread through it. As someone who has recently come out of a lifelong depression, I am now, for the first time, experiencing light and joy. And trust me, there is a way for anyone to experience it.

Life Tip #3: From the other side, I implore you, try a little harder. But for goodness sake do it right! Put your energy into uplifting yourself instead of wasting your energy by bringing yourself down. The question is, are you serious about getting better? You can't wait around for happiness, because it's already waiting for you! Happiness is in the right place, but you aren't yet. You're the one who has to move!

Partners in Shine!

One day, when I was browsing through motivational videos, and I came across someone named Alexi Panos. She is currently engaged, to be married within the week! She posted something with her fiancé, then put the hashtag #partnersinshine (see above photo).

I evaluated my love life and decided that the man I was going after wasn't stepping up in the way I needed him to. Not because he wasn't good enough, but because he had difficulty seeing the light. I knew that I would always have to put in 110% trying to lift his spirits. I realized that I would be trying to show him the light, but that he wouldn't even be trying to search for it himself.

For someone who is as fast-paced at me, especially in personal growth, I can't have someone who I'd have to drag along to be by my side. I need someone who is able to keep up with me and who wouldn't be quick to blame me for every problem that arises. I needed someone who would see my growth instead of holding my past against me.

Now, I'm under the impression that whatever we had between us is officially over. And you know what? He still blames me for everything that comes up. He will still get upset if I try to tell him the way his actions made me feel, and say that I'm being dramatic, negative, or that I like to argue. I have never heard any of these comments from anyone else, so that probably should've been my first red flag. *Side note: I take criticism pretty well and am actually like "okay I could see that, can we work on this?" even if it is entirely false. I'm not saying there is a 100% chance that his criticisms were false, but sadly, there's also the possibility that he was 1) criticizing inaccurate flaws to manipulate me or 2) saying things to make me feel less valuable while he made himself appear accepting of my supposed flaws.

You can only try so hard for so long. Simply liking or loving someone isn't enough. When someone starts to take away your shine, it's time to go. When someone starts being negative and refuses to work things out, get up and find the strength to leave! Let me clarify though, that this isn't to say that anytime an issue arises, you should leave. Learning how to communicate, compromise, and resolve problems is important. Relationships are supposed to be selfless, but when there's never any progress, and you feel beaten down, you're better off if you move on.

Life Tip #2: Surround yourself with positive people who are not laid back in their endeavors in life. Find someone who won't compromise for anything less than they deserve because they know their worth. Search inside yourself, find the good in you, and be that same type of person. Don't settle for anyone who takes away your shine! Know your worth!

Sunshine Can Be Hard to Find, Even When It's Daytime!

Four years ago, I started to unravel and unbecome everything that I had learned from my past. I had a bad habit of thinking that false thoughts and perceptions were absolute and true.

Life is full of hardships, and everywhere you turn, you hear that it never gets easier. For someone with depression and anxiety, that can be a bit daunting. Here’s the catch though: most people in this world are convinced they can do nothing to change the quality of their lives, when in all actuality, they can. The darkness that comes from being idle in your own growth is somehow addicting, and sadly, it can become debilitating. People get stuck in their sadness and have a difficult time letting themselves get out of it. But the truth is that people can change, and so can you! The truth is that goodness and joy have been constantly knocking on doors trying to find you, but you’ve also been incapable of finding the door. While happiness is actively seeking you out, you still need to put in the effort to find it.

The universe has a funny way of doing the same thing over and over again until you finally learn the lesson it’s been trying to teach you.  For this reason, you can never truly rely on or trust your past to be what your future will be. You can’t look at your past experiences and say something will always be that way, because the moment you step up and accept the challenge that life is facing you with, you change your future.

Believe that good will happen, and believe it can happen today. You’re okay. Everything will be alright. And always remember that love is good.

Life Tip #1: Love as much as you possibly can. Hold on to the good in people. Always allow people the opportunity to change and never hold on to your past preconceived notions of them. Surround yourself with uplifting people, but always be there for those who haven't figured out how to be uplifting yet. Don’t focus on what others need to change, and don’t tell yourself that your situation will only improve if someone else changes. Strive to see the good in every situation, even if it appears to be falling apart. And if you can’t see it now, trust that you will be able to see it when it’s over. 

Real happiness begins with you! Finding happiness doesn’t just come to you, you work for it. There’s a quote I absolutely love by Sheri L. Dew about ridding yourself of darkness. She says, “If you’re serious about sanctification, you can expect to experience heart-wrenching moments that try your faith, your endurance, and your patience.” I am convinced that true happiness cannot exist unless you purge yourself of the darkness that lives within you. So start figuring out what it is you need to work on!